Majorca 2004 - Day 13

I haven’t seen Del Boy around the place for a few days now. Perhaps he’s gone home at last.

This morning our sun beds are roughly equidistant from the swimming poo-el and the poo-el table so I’ve got a good view of both. Every morning at 11 am there’s a session of ‘Aqua Aerobics’ in the shallow poo-el and every morning I’ve ignored it, basically because we’ve been nowhere near the poo-el where it’s been going on but this morning I’m right there. It’s already attracted quite a number of people who are all standing up to their knees in the water waiting to start the series of gentle exercises that Emmathethomsonrep will be demonstrating while screeching out instructions at the top of her voice.

They were all about to start when, with immaculate timing, there was a shout, “Hang on, wait for me,” and there by the side of the poo-el stood Del Boy dressed in a pair of striped pyjama bottoms, a sleeveless Fairisle pullover and a black beret. “I’ve only just got up,” he said in his Frank Spencer voice.

And I laughed. I laughed out loud. I laughed so loud I frightened myself. I laughed and kept on laughing as Del Boy’s Frank Spencer got more and more manic the longer the aerobics session went on. By now he was in the poo-el and performing the exercises along with everybody else. He had me in stitches just by repeating everything Emmathethomsonrep was shouting out while attempting the exercises.

And it got even better.

With Del Boy saying things like “Bend your knees Betty”, “Head up – and – head down – hold it Betty – 1 2 3 – oh I can see my feet” another bloke in the pool started to do his Tommy Cooper impression. So then we had Emmathethomsonrep shouting out “Push the water, in – and – out, lift your left leg – 1 – 2 – 3, now the right one – 4 – 5 – 6”, Del Boy shouting out, “Push the water, ooh ooh, lift your legs – 1 – 2 – 3, ooh Betty I’ve fallen over” and the Tommy Cooper man saying things like, “Leg up – over there – no – over here, huh huh huh”.

It was bloody hilarious and to top it all, as Del Boy got out of the poo-el his jumper had stretched with the weight of the water and was now hanging down around his knees. I just collapsed. I couldn’t stop laughing. You had to be there, you just had to be there……..Del Boy, all is forgiven…..I love you Del Boy.

Half an hour later and it’s the killer poo-el competition again. Same group of people but this time Del Boy has changed out of his Frank Spencer getup and is parading around in shorts and one of those novelty hats that look like a construction worker’s hard hat with places that hold a can of lager on each side with a plastic tube leading out of both of them to your mouth. He played the whole of the competition like that.

When the bloody hell is he going home?

Later in the day Pauline and I went for a stroll along the beach and continued along the coast across scrubland and into the nature reserve area of the coast. On the way back we passed a bloke sitting on a rock by the edge of the sea gazing out into the distance.

All he was wearing was a hat and a pair of sunglasses. Nothing else at all.

We were miles from any roads, there were no signs of any transport so how did he get there in that state? He must have walked.

Bloody exhibitionistic pervert.