The continuing diaries of an Englishman abroad visiting such exotic places as Spain, USA, Malta and heaven knows where. Tagging along are his wife Pauline and daughter Emma.

Everything you are about to read is based on true events and real people. It may have been embellished beyond recognition for a cheap laugh but everything happened to a greater or lesser degree. Apart from the bits I made up. OK, and apart from the jokes. And apart from the fantasy sequences. But all the characters are real, believe me.


Exciting isn't it?


Wednesday, 4 April 2012

Malta 2006 - Day 2



Nothing much to report on the Welcome Session apart from the fact that Sandra followed the rep’s training manual to a 'T' by shouting, “Good morning” at the top of her voice and when she only got a few mumbled replies she shouted, “Come on, you’re on holiday, you can do better than that. GOOD MORNING!”

So she didn’t disappoint then did she?

Oh yes, the only useful thing I got out of the whole session was that if we’d turned right outside the hotel instead of left last night we would have found a cash point within 200 yards.

Bugger!

When we went in for dinner tonight our waiter wasn’t on duty. Well he could have been but maybe I just didn’t see him materialising in and out of his wormholes. The waitress told us tonight that if we wanted anything to drink we had to order it in the bar next to the dining room. We had to queue up for a soppy looking girl sitting at a table, tell her what we wanted, she’d take the money, give us a chitty, we’d take it to the bar, the barman took the chitty, the barman gave us our drinks and we took them back to the table. Well last night it was much simpler. We just ordered from the waiter didn’t we? So why has it all changed? Who knows? Perhaps our waiter was just moonlighting in our galaxy, taking money for drinks illegally so as to pay the bills for his wife and kids back home in his parallel universe. There was certainly no sign of anyone ordering drinks from the waiters now; hence the enormous queues at the bar.

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