Portugal 2009 - Day 9

I saw Michael today. “Oh Michael.” I said, “There seems to be something blocking the entrance to my room, would you mind coming up and removing it for me?”

“Certainly sir,” he said and I started to follow him up the stairs to the first floor. He was soon far ahead of me and I had to shout, “Michael, stop, I can’t keep up.” Reaching the top Michael stopped and bounded down again towards me (something I could only look on with envy) and reaching me still stuck on the first step he said, “Sir, remember the technique. Each foot is placed on the next higher step in one continuous motion. Putting one foot on the next higher step and then bringing it down again will only enable you to remain on the same step forever.”

“Ah I see Michael. Yes I see where I was going wrong. The trouble was I was feeling a bit wobbly and couldn’t remember where the rail thing was which helps me stand on one leg if I want to.”

Reaching the top of the stairs two hours later I gestured towards our room. “You see Michael. Can you remove that please?”

“Sir. That is a door.”

“I don’t care what it’s called Michael. Can you remove it please?

“Sir. This is a door to your room. I’ll show you how to use it.”

“Is it like a remote control?”

“Not at all sir. I’ll show you. To go into room, open door, walk through, close. To come out of room just do the reverse.”

“Unbelievable,” I said, “Quite, quite ingenious. Let me see if I’ve got this. To go in, open, walk through, close. To come out it’s the reverse, close, walk through, open.”

“No no sir, not quite. When I said coming out is in reverse I meant – oh never mind – I’ll show you. Just follow me.”

And I did. And it worked.

“Thank you Michael, I said.

“No problem sir. If there’s anything else I can help you with just ask. As long as I get a big tip at the end of your holiday I’m quite happy to explain the bleeding obvious as many times as you like just like I did when you first arrived.”

I saw a man taking a photo of some pastries in a baker’s window today. I expect they’ll turn up on the Daily Mail ‘Letters Page’ in a few weeks time.

“Dear Sir, Ooh look what my wife and I saw on holiday in Portugal. A bun shaped like a man’s willy. It had us both in hysterics. I said to my wife I’d never seen a man’s willy shaped like a bun before. My wife said she’d never seen a man’s willy. Bit harsh I thought.”