I saw Michael in the hotel lobby today. “Michael.” I
said, “What is that in the corner? I seem to see them all over this hotel.”
“They are called stairs, sir,” he replied.
“And pray, what good are they for Michael?” I asked.
“Why sir, they take you up to the next floor.”
“What? Like these lifts do?” I said, pointing to a
linen cupboard.
“Well not like those lifts sir, that lift is a linen
cupboard but like those lifts over there. Remember the lifts I showed you on
your arrival?”
“But, Michael.” I said, “If these stairs take me up,
how do I get down again?”
“Well sir, the stairs will bring you down as well.”
“They go down as well as up? Do they work by remote
control? Don’t tell me. It’s this isn’t it?” I said, picking up a complimentary
hotel boiled sweet from the reception counter.
“No sir, that is a complimentary hotel boiled sweet.
The stairs do not need a remote control.”
“Batteries?”
“No sir.”
“Mains power?”
“No sir.”
“Well I’ll be…how on earth do they work then
Michael?”
“Allow me to show you sir. Come with me and put one
foot on this first step, quickly followed by your other foot on the next higher
step.”
As I did so I found myself wobbling and losing
balance. “Help Michael.” I shouted, “I think I’m going to fall.”
“Don’t panic sir. Just hold on to that rail with your
left hand and everything will be just fine.”
“You’re right Michael,” I said, “I suddenly feel far
more secure. Why look Michael, by holding on to this rail thing I can even
stand on one leg safely.”
“That’s it sir. You’ve got it and in no time at all
may I add. It takes some people days to master the one leg manoeuvre, many of
them spend their entire stay here trying and failing. Now you have your
confidence I’ll leave you to it.”
“Thanks Michael.” I shouted, giving him a cheery
wave. Now then, what did he say? One foot up followed by the other foot down?
No, that’s not it. Uh-oh, I’ve forgotten what that rail thing’s for…
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