The continuing diaries of an Englishman abroad visiting such exotic places as Spain, USA, Malta and heaven knows where. Tagging along are his wife Pauline and daughter Emma.

Everything you are about to read is based on true events and real people. It may have been embellished beyond recognition for a cheap laugh but everything happened to a greater or lesser degree. Apart from the bits I made up. OK, and apart from the jokes. And apart from the fantasy sequences. But all the characters are real, believe me.


Exciting isn't it?


Sunday, 15 January 2012

Cyprus 2000 - Day 7







We got handed a leaflet today. It said “George’s Restaurant. Bring leaflet with you for free carafe of wine.” Among the items on the menu were “Porn Salad”, “Scrumbled Egg” and “Spaghetti Polonaise” (one of Chopin’s favourites I suppose). It also said “See restaurant for hall menu” which we realised after a while meant see restaurant for whole menu. Free carafe of wine? Can’t turn that down so we turned up with our leaflet and did indeed get a free carafe of wine and it was very drinkable surprisingly.

While we were sitting there a couple came in with two teenage children, also with their leaflet. The man handed his leaflet over with a flourish and when asked whether they preferred a red or white carafe the man said, “No thanks, we don’t drink wine.” The whole purpose of bringing the leaflet and giving it to the restaurant was to get some free wine wasn’t it? So why did he – oh never mind.

On the next table to ours sat an old colonial type, moustache, upper class accent, military bearing and with him was a Filipino girl. Emma and this man were sitting back to back and during his meal he suddenly threw a large handful of salt over his left shoulder which landed all over Emma’s head and shoulders. (Now you know where they get that dandruff shampoo brand name from). What’s going on? If you’re going to do something like that, don’t you look behind you first? What a creep. I told Emma to get up and punch him while I hid under the table but she wouldn’t.

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