The continuing diaries of an Englishman abroad visiting such exotic places as Spain, USA, Malta and heaven knows where. Tagging along are his wife Pauline and daughter Emma.

Everything you are about to read is based on true events and real people. It may have been embellished beyond recognition for a cheap laugh but everything happened to a greater or lesser degree. Apart from the bits I made up. OK, and apart from the jokes. And apart from the fantasy sequences. But all the characters are real, believe me.


Exciting isn't it?


Friday, 13 January 2012

USA 1998 - Day 16


Arribe! Arribe! Hey Conchita, come quick, down at the cantina they're givin' green stamps with the tequila.

Up early again for our arrival in Mexico. The ship arrives first in Playa Del Carmen at 7.00 a.m. for people like us to disembark as we are booked on a tour of the Mayan ruins of 'Tutum'. Once we're all safely on the tender bound for Playa Del Carmen the ship sails on around the coast to Cozumel and moors in dock for all passengers to come and go as they please for the rest of the day. Once our tour is over, the tender takes us round the coast to meet up with the ship again so that we can then spend the rest of the day in Cozumel with everyone else.

Cozumel is a Mexican owned island off the Yucatan Peninsula of mainland Mexico in the Caribbean Sea.

We caught the tender to Playa Del Carmen and although the walk from the dock to our coach pick up point was not very far, poverty and primitive conditions were evident as we passed by people trying to sell cheap souvenirs   hats, bottles of water, dolls, blankets etc. A blind man was standing in the gutter with a woman standing behind him with her arms around his waist while he played the accordion. A woman and three children were sitting in the dust by
the side of us tourists hoping for a handout of some kind.

Pauline gave the blind man some money.

Once on board our tour bus the journey was to take about an hour and our tour guide was excellent. Informative, personable, entertaining and funny   what more could you ask? This part of Mexico reminded us very much of Spain twenty or thirty years ago   undeveloped, spartan, primitive, basic and very very hot. Poor Emma was not feeling at all well again. On the tender coming across she'd been sick and hadn't been feeling right since she got up poor thing. She didn't seem to feel any better until the coach journey ended and we were
walking around a bit. Even then she was very subdued.

The Mayan culture is still very much alive in this part of Mexico and the ruins of Tutum were very impressive. This particular Mayan settlement had been built high on the edge of a 200 foot cliff face looking out over the most beautiful of views across the ocean. We arrived at about 9.30 a.m. and the temperature was already in the high 80's with very little shade around. The colour of the sea was indescribable...so I'll just describe it to you   a mix of blue ranging from the lightest of white blues to the darkest of black blues but each shade of colour butted against another giving the impression of a dividing line between one colour and the next. Quite wonderful.

The bulk of the Mayan buildings didn't come up to much though. They were all falling apart and had bits missing...like walls and roofs. Some buildings just consisted of a few piles of old stone scattered here and there. Can't imagine living in those houses can you? For a start   no privacy, nowhere to hang anything and if that's the Mayan idea of house building then it's no
wonder their civilisation collapsed. You don't have to be an advanced civilisation to know that a few pieces of old stone scattered willy nilly on the ground would never in a million years be considered a cosy house and home for some Mayan newly weds.
How they survived 10,000 years of this I'll never know.

The tour over, we boarded the tender for the trip back to the ship. This time the journey was much longer than before and the sea was much choppier. Emma, poor girl, was sick again, this time on the floor in front of us as she really didn't have time to even ask where the toilet was. Luckily this happened towards the end of the journey rather than the beginning.

On board the tender were six Mexican traders who obviously had some sort of concession to sell on the boat. They were selling things like blankets, tablecloths and cheap imitation silver jewellery and were constantly walking up and down the aisles shouting out prices and pushing the stuff at people if they so much as looked in their direction. The journey back to the ship
seemed never ending, we were all crowded onto this tender, sitting on hard wooden benches and the sea was rough.

We were cramped, tired and very very hot. The temperature was in the 90's and I swear, the next time that toothless Mexican blanket seller shoves a foul smelling blanket under my nose I'm going to smother the bastard with it. The selling never stopped. Once they'd been up and down the aisles and annoyed everyone on board they just started all over again. Same stuff, same selling technique   "Blanket   25 dollar", "Bracelet   28 dollar". On and on and on
and on...........

Bartering is a way of life here and it was amusing to see that the price of everything dropped in direct proportion to how much time was left on the voyage. The blanket seller who'd started trying to sell his blankets for "30 dollar" was selling them for "5 dollar" after we'd reached the halfway point on the trip. It seemed they would all sell anything for any amount given half a chance. With this in mind and with five minutes left of the voyage, I told the blanket man I'd take a blanket off his hands for five dollars. He reluctantly gave me the blanket AND five dollars but didn't seem too happy about it.

Not a bad morning's bartering I thought as I disembarked carrying the blanket in a large plastic bag. It was suddenly feeling quite heavy so I put it down and looked inside to make sure I hadn't been cheated and in the bag, sitting on the blanket was a toothless old crone smiling up at me.

Yep, he'd even sold his own Granny.

Still, knowing these people she was probably an imitation and somebody else's Granny anyway.

Eventually got ashore at Cozumel and spent the rest of the day shopping. I was in a gift shop when I heard, "Hey Ernie, ah've found some maroccas for twelve dollars."

"Didn't think they had any, Marge", said Ernie.

"Why sure they do, found 'em tucked away at the back of the store Ernie".

I knew immediately that I should tell Marge that I'd seen the same 'Maroccas' in the shop next door for five dollars but for some strange reason I just couldn't do it.

I just stood there and smiled at her while gazing at Ernie's hairpiece in amazement.

The ship sailed at 6 p.m. Emma perked up a bit and went to the pool for an hour but during dinner that evening she was obviously not feeling well again. She couldn't eat and actually left the dining room by herself, went to our cabin and put herself to bed. Not sure if she's being affected by sea sickness, too much sun, over tiredness or maybe a tummy bug but she
certainly needs to sleep a lot of the time.

Early to bed.

Things I Could Have Done Today ........ But Was Too Busy Watching Paint Dry

07.00 Gymnasium Opens
10.00 Card Players Get Together
11.00 Ping Pong Players Get Together
19.00 Camp Carnival Karaoke
20.30 Sing Alongs With Jim

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