The continuing diaries of an Englishman abroad visiting such exotic places as Spain, USA, Malta and heaven knows where. Tagging along are his wife Pauline and daughter Emma.

Everything you are about to read is based on true events and real people. It may have been embellished beyond recognition for a cheap laugh but everything happened to a greater or lesser degree. Apart from the bits I made up. OK, and apart from the jokes. And apart from the fantasy sequences. But all the characters are real, believe me.


Exciting isn't it?


Sunday, 15 January 2012

Spain 1999 - Day 6







Lazy day. Late breakfast. All day by the pool.

The lifts in the hotel are great. They only take a maximum of four people and they have a small row of LED lights in each lift which register the current loaded weight. If anyone gets in and the lights go into the red, an instant beep tells everybody that the Iift is over-loaded.

Our room is on the tenth and top floor so we’re usually the first in and last out and Emma and I play at predicting whether this person or that person will be able to get in with us without setting the beep off. I can imagine it’s quite embarrassing for them to get in and set the alarm going with me standing by the door shouting down the hall, “Another fat bastard’s over-loaded the lift everybody.” Some of the people are so fat they can’t get in the lift even on their own. They spend all their time puffing up and down the stairs.

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