The continuing diaries of an Englishman abroad visiting such exotic places as Spain, USA, Malta and heaven knows where. Tagging along are his wife Pauline and daughter Emma.

Everything you are about to read is based on true events and real people. It may have been embellished beyond recognition for a cheap laugh but everything happened to a greater or lesser degree. Apart from the bits I made up. OK, and apart from the jokes. And apart from the fantasy sequences. But all the characters are real, believe me.


Exciting isn't it?


Sunday, 15 January 2012

Spain 1999 - Day 3


Another stroll through the town this morning and then it’s off to that Spanish bar we found yesterday for a light lunch. We spent the next two hours trying to find the damned place and gave up in the end.

All three of us had made a mental note of its whereabouts yesterday but could we find the bugger? “Oh, I remember this,” said Pauline as we rounded yet another street corner, “I’m sure it’s round here somewhere.” Emma was getting hot, tired and grumpy because she just wanted to go back to the hotel pool. “Just hang on,” I said to her, “it can’t be far from where we are because I recognise that hairdressers on the corner and we passed it after Ieaving the bar yesterday. It must be just down here, I promise.”

Thirty minutes later I said, “Well I don’t know where it’s gone. I’m starving let’s find another place.”

We found another bar. Just as cheap and basic as the other one. FulI of Spanish locals and not a tourist in sight. Wonderful.

I managed to order two beers, some water and a coke using my schoolboy Spanish but have no idea what I said to get the coke. I didn’t want it in the first place. Still, I pretended I did so that was all right.

Afternoon by the pool.

I keep seeing news reports about terrorist acts being committed by the Basques but they’re not the only Spanish ethnic group causing trouble at the moment. I’m more worried about some of the others which are creeping out of the woodwork and whose credentials are largely unknown.

As well as the Basques, there have been reports of bombings by The Corsets, The Girdles, The Halter-Tops and The Nighties while hostages are still being held by The Suspenders, The Undies, The Frilly Garters and The Crotchless Panties.

It’s a worrying time all right.

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