A day on board today. Woke with the intention of going to a 9 a.m. breakfast but Emma just wants to sleep all the time and stay in bed. She hasn't got a temperature but just seems tired and needs to sleep. Yesterday took a lot out of her, being sick and having to walk around in 90 degrees heat etc. Maybe she's just exhausted. Will take her to see the ship's doctor later just to be on the safe side. We left her in bed while we had breakfast and she was still asleep when we returned. I stayed in the cabin with her while Pauline went on deck for a sunbathe.
You know the worst thing about the Americans? It's their appalling overwhelming sincerity.
I remember I was standing outside the purser's office waiting to collect some information when I overheard the following conversation:
"Brad, I just wanted to say that I admired the way that you told Todd that you admired and respected him. It's not easy to tell a guy that you respect him and when someone has the guts to do so he earns my respect. I just wanna say that I respect you as my boss but.......I love you as a human being...sob....and Brad..."
"Grant?"
"It's your Dad...on three."
"Dad, it's Brad. On three. Yeah...Yeah? Yeaaaah..sniff...God I love you Dad...."
"What is it Brad?"
"It's Dad, Bud. He just wanted to say that he admired the way that I told you that I respected the way that you told Todd that you admired and respected the way that we all respect each other."
"God that can't have been easy for him to say. What a guy. Hey, he's earned that love Brad and you've earned his respect."
"And I respect that."
"You guys are the best.....and you know somethin' else......I love you guys".
It was at about this point that I was sick in their in basket.
And these cocktails are getting more and more ridiculous. The choice is endless, what with Tropical Temper, Burning Bull, Twin Screw, Firecracker, Twilight Zone, Fuzzy Navel, Stinger, Zombie and Bum Squeezer, you don't know where to start do you? I made that last one up by the way. I asked for a Gardener's Goolies and got a green alcoholic drink with a full sized rake and shovel sticking out of the glass. I had to walk around holding the damn thing all the time though. Every time I put it down it tipped over. Trouble was every time I took a sip, I whacked some unsuspecting American over the head with the shovel three tables away. Still they let me keep the rake and shovel after I'd finished it.
I'll probably buy another one later and sit close by that obnoxious American woman.
Should be able to poke her in the eye a few times with the rake before I finish the drink.
I think all the fat people are evenly allocated across the ship's cabins to help keep the ship stable. This explains why you had to specify your weight on the cruise booking form I suppose. In fact a lot of the guests are the same basic shape as the Mr. Men and you can't sit down for too long as some of them try to eat you if they think you're not breathing.
My sun rash turned out to be fork marks.
At 3.30 pm every day, all the fat people turn up at the deck restaurant for 'ice cream and cookies'. It's open to everyone but they seem to be the only people queuing for it. Wonder why?
Things I Could Have Done Today ........ But Was Too Busy Watching Paint Dry
07.00 Gymnasium Opens
08.30 Walk A Mile
09.00 Cruisercise
10.30 Horseracing
11.00 Friends of Bill W
13.00 Ice Carving and Men's Hairy Chest
14.15 Camp Carnival Talent Show
14.30 Skin Care
15.00 Carnival Bingo
17.00 Golf Putting
18.30 Karaoke Party
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