Today we're going on a boat trip along some rivers and lakes to observe some of the Florida wildlife alligators, snakes, turtles, racoons, monkeys, birds and anything else that might be around.
Everybody gets in a number of motorboats designed to hold six people at the most so it's a very friendly and relaxing trip with the driver/guide and passengers all on first name terms. Before the trip starts in earnest we motor slowly down river to stop off for breakfast (it's still only 8 am) and pick up a packed lunch. The boat turns down some small backwater, moors up and there in front of us is the bar/cafe looking more like a bomb shelter with a fridge than a commercial enterprise.
Now I'm not a prejudiced man but.....
As we went in, I noticed one solitary person sitting at the bar drinking coffee and reading a newspaper. He looked like a Hillbilly. Fat (well, well), hairy and scruffy. In fact at the end of our trip at about 4 p.m. we called back in for another stop and he was still there!
In the same place!
With the same newspaper!
The only difference was that the bar was a bit more full now and sitting next to him was a hugely fat lardarse, so fat that as he sat on the bar stool, the bundles of fat on his bum draped over the bar stool so it looked to me like he was sitting with this big iron pole stuck up his arse. He was wearing a dirty singlet with frayed holes in it, probably made of that special super stretchy material that only these fat people have access to, a pair of battered Levis with the crotch at about knee level, disgustingly filthy shoes and hair which was long, whispy and frizzy.
The bar was thick with good ol' boys and I mean thick. Thick arms, thick legs, thick fingers, thick necks and thick brains. I couldn't stand it inside so Pauline, Emma and myself bought some ice creams and sat outside in the sun.
While we were sitting there I heard a voice from the bar shout out, "See ya Big Jim".
Big Jim? I didn't think anybody was really called Big Jim but sure enough out rolled Big Jim, waddled to a filthy pick up truck, opened the door, reached behind him, pulled the bar stool out of his bum and slowly clambered into the truck.
Oh, the boat trip was excellent by the way.
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